Are Japanese People Unkind? The Complex Psychology Behind the Silence and Non-Confrontation

Life in Japan - Issue 006

Thank you for always reading the Spiritual Japan Journal.

We recently posted a note on ii-furo no Hi (Good Bath Day, November 26th) and received an extremely valuable comment from a reader. While the reader loves Japanese public baths, they expressed confusion, feeling that “everything seems highly ritualized.” Furthermore, they shared the keen observation that “Japanese people would never point out mistakes,” and perceived this not just as politeness, but as a belief that “Japanese people think Western people can never truly understand their customs,” a sharp observation mixed with cultural resignation and anxiety. We thank the commenter once again.

This candid opinion pierced the very core of Japan’s social structure. Prompted by this observation, I dedicated time to deeply study literature and research papers related to sociology and cultural anthropology to better understand our national character and rules.

Today, combining the researchers’ insights I’ve gathered with my own observations, I will explain the complex background of why silence prevails and why there is a national tendency to avoid confrontation in Japan’s public spaces.

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Kūki that Enforces Silence

To begin, the word Kūki (空気, “atmosphere” or “air”) is a special concept whose meaning is inescapable for understanding the structure of Japanese society.

We Japanese use phrases daily such as, “I read the air and decided not to say it now,” “The atmosphere was such that I couldn’t possibly speak up,” or “It wasn’t the kind of air where you could laugh.” This demonstrates the potent power of Kūki to control the collective, overriding individual will and logical judgment, despite being invisible. This act of Kūki o yomu, which is best translated as ‘read the room,’ is an essential skill for maintaining group harmony.

Yamamoto Shichihei, a prominent social critic and thinker, is analyzed as believing that the Japanese people constantly maintain a “double standard of logical judgment and atmospheric judgment.” While logic and reason may apply in private or routine situations, Kūki takes precedence during group harmony or emergencies, causing logical judgment to cease.

A stark example of this extremity is the final sortie of the battleship Yamato during the end of World War II. In April 1945, in a special attack mission deemed reckless by all observers, no one could voice an objection, and the sortie resulted in over 3,000 casualties, accounting for the majority of the crew. Yamamoto Shichihei’s work cites the postwar words of the Commander-in-Chief of the Combined Fleet, who stated, “I will not attempt to offer any defense beyond answering that I had no choice but to do so at the time,” analyzing that the force that left him “no choice” was Kūki.

It is difficult for us in the modern era to easily imagine the feelings of the soldiers dedicated to sacrificing their lives for the country during wartime. Thinking that Kūki was definitively present, forcing a desperate mission to proceed, one feels a sense of dread regarding the power of its domination, regardless of whether it was patriotism, loyalty, or resignation.

This structure of Kūki dominance, however, continues to exist today in different forms. For instance, in an office meeting. Even if everyone understands the plan is inefficient, the air dictates that “no one should object” to the opinions of superiors. Consequently, individual logical judgment ceases. This demonstrates the same structure where individual risk avoidance and group harmony prevail over logic.

However, this structure of silence in Japan does not always work to suppress individual freedom. This Kūki mechanism, depending on the situation, functions as an extremely effective social maintenance system. For example, the quiet waiting at disaster shelters or in airports when transportation is halted is a prime illustration. Furthermore, queuing in public spaces is a daily example of the spirit of Wa (harmony) in action. Everyone shares the “air that respecting the queue is the fairest,” and order is established through self-discipline.

Similarly, the quiet serenity of onsen and sentō is maintained because all bathers share the unspoken pressure that “this is not the air for speaking loudly.” Consequently, the Japanese onsen self-regulates a quiet environment where everyone can find peace. Yet, this act of reading the air can, conversely, become an extreme conformity pressure or coldness toward those who cannot read the air.

Here is just one of my anecdotes. I first went to America when I was 14. When I attended classes with my host sister, the sight I encountered was shocking. That day, when the teacher asked for opinions and most students leaned toward agreement, one student explicitly voiced a dissenting opinion. In a Japanese classroom, conformity via silence is often the norm, but there, no one was upset or gave him cold stares for disagreeing with the majority. Instead, the teacher calmly accepted his input and used it as an opportunity to deepen the discussion. That student seemed utterly unafraid that his view differed from the majority. This scene clearly demonstrated the critical difference between Japan’s Kūki of prioritizing group harmony and the culture of respecting individual logical assertion. When I told my host sister about this, “That’s so obvious, I don’t know why you’re so surprised,” she said, a sentiment I remember vividly. At that moment, I felt a strong yearning for America, the land of freedom. While Japan has its merits, other countries naturally have their own unique strengths.

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The Complex Reasons Why Japanese People Avoid Pointing Out Mistakes

Regarding the reader’s comment, “Japanese people would never point out mistakes,” there are various reasons for this tendency.

Conflict Avoidance and Non-Attention That Disrupt Group Harmony

The primary reason is the national tendency to prioritize harmony (Wa) and avoid confrontation.

Since directly correcting an individual—even for an innocent mistake or violation—risks disrupting the Ba no Kūki and initiating conflict, most Japanese people intensely dislike such acts. Consequently, to avoid the possibility of hurting others or creating trouble, they often choose to suppress their frustration and endure the situation instead.

Thus, many people adopt Non-Attention (Hichūi, or looking the other way) as a means to maintain order through the personal endurance of suppressing discomfort. This is based on the social judgment that “Silence is the best peace.” The spirit of this Gaman (perseverance) and self-discipline is also considered to have aspects that connect to the traditional Japanese ethic of Bushidō (the Way of the Warrior), though we will delve deeper into this on another occasion.

“I understand the desire to avoid conflict, but if someone is in trouble, you should help,” a reader might think. However, here we must discuss the complicated nature of Japanese habits.

Unsolicited Meddling and the Risk Aversion of Goodwill

The first complex factor is our intense aversion to Yokei na Osewa (unnecessary meddling).

The phrases “Yokei na Osewa” and “Arigatai Meiwaku” (trouble caused by kindness, or “a favor that is actually a nuisance”) exist in the Japanese language. This stems from an excessive degree of consideration, whereby one reflects on the possibility that even a kind act might be perceived by the other person as an “imposition” or a “nuisance.”

To avoid the risk of friction in human relationships caused by well-intended kindness going awry, choosing not to interfere is deemed the prudent choice in Japanese society. Especially when the situation of the other person is unclear, the judgment that “Silence is the best peace” takes precedence.

Reluctance to Speak a Foreign Language and the Fear of Haji

Finally, there is a distinctly Japanese psychological factor that determines the choice of silence when the other person is a foreigner.

Japanese society and education harbor a strong yearning for foreign ideas and cultures, such as logic and individualism, which ironically leads to perfectionism when using a foreign language.

Although many Japanese people spend an average of 800 to 900 hours in English class during middle and high school (a figure based on MEXT curriculum guidelines), international surveys show that Japan’s English proficiency ranks in the lower 90s among non-native English-speaking countries, and is categorized as a very low proficiency level. The majority face a skills gap, meaning they can “understand but cannot use the language effectively.”

This is believed to be heavily influenced by the fear of Shame (Haji) that might result from speaking imperfect English, coupled with the perfectionism carried by many Japanese people. Precisely because they are engaging with the language of a culture they aspire to, they try to avoid the risk of exposing their own linguistic imperfection or causing misunderstanding with flawed English. Consequently, even with goodwill, they choose silence, resulting in a very complex choice.

The silence the reader perceived is redefined as an act of avoiding “personal risk (of English failure and friction),” rather than an act of “rejecting the person.”

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Final Thoughts

Readers, through this discussion, you have come to understand the complex psychological structure that lies beneath Japan’s tranquility.

It is safe to say that Japanese people, being skilled at reading the air and keenly sensing their surroundings, are not unaware of those who may be struggling or innocently breaking rules. And the majority of them possess the goodwill to want to speak up and help you.

However, the reason they cannot translate that goodwill into action is because the factors we discussed—the Kūki, Yokei na Osewa, and the desire to avoid confrontation—stand as huge barriers. The Japanese are very cautious, and in a sense, timid.

Furthermore, that timidity is magnified manifold when the person is a foreigner. Even though this is Japan, almost no Japanese person would think, “This is Japan, so I should speak Japanese.” In most cases, they assume they should speak the language the other person understands and, consequently, choose silence.

This dichotomy—the timid nature of the Japanese, contrasted with the strong, opposing spirit of Bushidō and the desire for harmony—is likely what leads to the feeling of awkwardness or coldness towards foreigners.

However, there is one thing I want you to understand: No Japanese person will be unhappy when asked for help. If you are troubled or need to know something, please speak up and ask us. It may seem like I am pushing responsibility onto you, but the Japanese are shy people who are delighted to be relied upon, even if they cannot initiate the conversation themselves.

It goes without saying that the “Japanese people” discussed in this article are a very broad generalization, and individual differences abound. Furthermore, although Japan is a small country, there are significant regional differences in personality. For instance, people in the Kansai region are known to possess a strong difference in character.

The process of writing this article has increased my own desire to learn more and share new themes with our readers. I believe that in the modern era, with the development of SNS and AI, various changes are occurring within Japan’s national character and culture. Going forward, I hope to delve deeper into these changes happening in contemporary Japan.

If you have any requests for topics you’d like to know more about, such as “I want to understand this about Japan,” or “This aspect puzzles me,” please let us know in the comments.

Thank you for reading.

—Sumire

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We have compiled a list of the literature that served as references for this article, and we’ve also included a link to a very interesting YouTube channel we found.

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📚 References and Literature

• 『「空気」の研究』 (A Study of “Air”) by Yamamoto Shichihei: The non-logical force that dominates groups.

• 『「世間」の構造』 (The Structure of “Seken” - Society) by Abe Kinya: The social structure where people are overly conscious of others’ judgment.

• 『「甘え」の構造』 (The Anatomy of Dependence) by Doi Takeo: The fundamental psychology in Japanese interpersonal relationships.

• 『超空気支配社会』 (The Hyper-Air-Dominated Society) by Tsujita Masanori: Analysis of modern SNS and the evolution of Kūki.

• 『菊と刀』 (The Chrysanthemum and the Sword) by Ruth Benedict: Analysis of Japanese social norms (Giri, Ninjō, Haji).

• 『気づかいの壁』 (The Wall of Consideration) by Kawahara Reiko.

• データ出典: EF EPI (EF Education First English Proficiency Index) 2025 Survey, MEXT Curriculum Guidelines (Estimated English learning hours).

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